This week I have
heard and seen countless rants about how the cheaters are going to “get what
they deserve” after the Ashley Madison data leak. I find this kind of rhetoric unnecessary. Who is really going to suffer from the narcissism
that is cheating? The liar and cheater?
The ones who will be most impacted are the families. Why gloat?
I was never
really into the Duggar’s TV show.
Maybe it’s
because the thought of tater tot casserole makes me queasy or because I stopped
watching most reality shows after Season 2 of Survivor. But mostly, it was
because I didn’t identify with the large, homeschooling, “good” family.
(They just made the unruly, eye-rolling, sarcastic people in my house look
even more unrighteous.) While I’m sure there was some common
ground, I could only see the things we didn’t have in common. However, this week I have felt a certain
amount of intrigue with the family’s struggles.
When I read Josh
Duggar’s statement this week, admitting he not only struggled with a
pornography addiction, but was also unfaithful to his young wife and children–I
didn’t rejoice. I felt sick to my stomach. Knowing what his family is
enduring is heartbreaking. And I don’t have to be a “fan” to recognize it.
No, I didn’t
gloat and point a sanctimonious finger. My first urge was to shout, “Man down!”
It’s what I screamed
last week when I found out through the town rumour mill that a trusted friend
was sharing my own life’s struggles. A person that I had deeply trusted decided
to point that sanctimonious finger directly at me, judge my choices and
short-comings and then to top it off share her thoughts about my life with
complete strangers. I was gutted.
It’s hard to know
if Josh’s Duggar contrition this week came because he got caught or
because he was truly repentant or because he has nothing left to lose. We might
never know. While I think it matters privately to his wife and family, it’s
really none of our business. Just as my choices in life are none of this town’s
business. This is ground zero for a
family and hopefully redemption and help will follow.
Should
the TV show be off the air? Absolutely.
(Maybe the real question is should it have ever been on TV?) Should
this family be taken off a pedestal? Definitely. (All families are
messy, even the “good” ones). Should we pick up a rock and join the
mob? Only if we’re perfect. Should we worry about our own
hypocrisy? Probably. Should we take a moment to clean the
windows in our own glass houses? You bet! Should we avoid tater tot casserole at all
costs? You know it.
The world may never
understand that many families are a mess of sinful humanity trying to sort this
life out, but they will see that we eat our own and wound our wounded. This “kick her, when she’s down” approach,
was my heart-breaking revelation this week and has been the cause of a painful
end to a meaningful friendship.
It’s easy to
use “love” as an action word for our lost world–those we don’t agree with
in alternative lifestyles, but it’s harder to show it to people who are more
like us than we care to admit.
How
then shall should we respond to the falling of Josh Duggar or anyone else? Our heart should cry, “Man down! Family shattered! I’m
going to live the best life I can live (in my glass house, with dirty windows)”
Because someone probably shouted it for us.
