Today it Hit Me!

**OK all you Facebook lurkers...in an effort to increase my "followers" I am having a contest.  If I get to 10 followers I will randomly pick one follower to recieve a $10 starbucks card). If you are a Facebook lurker create a google account and become a follower. It is easy.
**************************************************************
K and I were sitting having a wonderful lunch together. We were sharing our usual chat back in forth, where I chatter away and he grunts back.  I was watching him in awe. 11 short months ago he was a newborn who needed me for everything.  Now he is sitting in his high chair enjoying a sandwich and water, not needing any assitance from me.

When he was finished I got up to take him out of his highchair he reached up to me for a hug. I leaned down and kissed his forehead. Then came the waterworks. I had the ugly cry.  Actually is was more like a sob.  The sob of someone whose heart is being ripped out by someone who doesn't even weigh 18 lbs.  It hit me like a tonne of bricks that in just 1 week he will not be spending his days with me.

I love my job.  I am lucky for that. I have been ready to go back for some time, but perhaps that was because it wasn't "real" yet. Today, I realized that in one week our lives are about to change again.

He will be in a home daycare that I feel is the perfect fit for him. There are lots of other kids, 2 adult eyes to watch over his misisons and is close to home. However, no one will ever look at him like I do.

They won't watch him in awe at the little things (like sorting his toys).
They won't snuggle him and kiss him like I do.
They won't know that the smacking he does with his lips means that he wants a bottle.

I worry.  What if they don't find his antics endearing but rather annoying?
What if they don't see his curiousity as a wonderful gift and ask him to "fall in line"?
What if they don't like him?

Today, I want to run away with my baby.  Anyone know of a circus that is hiring?