Musings of the 4am Feed

• Little Guy by Gord Bamford
• Beautiful Boy by Ben Harper

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It's 4am and I hear the whimpers of Little Man calling for me over the crackle of the monitor. I groggily thank the stars for the extra hour that he gave me this morning, but also for the fact that he is calling for me now.  Let me first admit that this particular wake up has never bothered me much.  In the recent weeks of attempting to sleep train K, I have been quick to line anyone up to the firing squad who suggests that I eliminate this early morning bottle. I have tried to take the advice of well-intention friends and experts to let him cry it out.  It only ends with both of us crying and tired. But, I digress.

The 4am bottle creates a peaceful silence, and ever-growing bond between K and I.  There is something about his slow breathing, the way we look at each other, the way he strokes my face as he enjoys that precious 6oz. Most significantly, it's about the conversations we share.  Yes, sometimes we have nothing to say to each other and I resort to singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and two nights ago may have been stuck so lowered myself to singing a sloppy rendition of Eminem and Rhianna. I digress again.

This morning's musing were of my hopes for this Little Man.
I hope that he always holds his head high with humble confidence.

I hope that when faced with difficult decisions that he knows himself well enough to make the right ones.

I hope that when he doesn't make the right choices that he has surrounded himself with people that will help carry him.

I hope that he always brushes his teeth.

I hope he loves with wild abandon.  To not put up walls and guard himself from potential heartache.

I hope that when he does experience heartache, that he knows where to hide the dimwit that did it to him.  I will hunt them down ;)

I hope that he is quick to forgive and doesn't let grudges take over the goodness of his heart.

I hope he always finds a place in his heart for the underdog.

I hope he always comes home for the holidays (laundry, empty wallet and no gas in his car and all).

I hope he wears clean underwear.

I hope that he doesn't always chose the easiest path, but instead chooses the right path for him (in the words of a fellow blogger) "bumps and all".

I hope that he always wants to chat with mommy even if it is 4am and he is hungry. (Even though he hasn't had much to say these past 9 nine months).