Thursday, August 4, 2011

F U!!

I fully recognize that for those of you living in blissful unawareness of what some mothers are actually thinking, this may be an UNPOPULAR post.  With that said, there are those of you who may actually feel liberated with what follows.  Here it is!!!

I swear at my kid.
Yes, I said it and I meant it. Each and every day, I swear at him.
I’m not ashamed to admit it.
My kid can be an asshole. Tell me your child hasn’t ever deserved to be cursed at and I’ll call you a liar.
I’ll even go so far as to say that I believe that swearing at my children makes me a better parent.
I’m not talking curse words like “dammit” and “hell.” Oh, no. I pull out the big guns. Those four letter ones of which I am such a big fan.
Now, I would never actually shout obscenities directly at my offspring. Obviously.
But, when Kingston is screaming at me because I won't put my sweater back on or banging his head against the wall because I have taken the BBQ lighter away, I may just have seen the words “shut the fuck up” float over him head in my imaginary commentary of the scene. And it may just have kept me from really losing it with him.
When Kingston is thrashing on the floor because I didn’t let him have a third bag of Goldfish before lunch, singing a little ditty that goes “Shut the fuck up, you pain in my ass. Shut the fuck up, my dear.” in my head, somehow, makes the moment more bearable.
And, his incessant whining can be blocked out by my asking “are you ever going to shut your little fucking mouth, you annoying child?” in my head. Logically, I know the answer is “not likely,” but just asking always makes me feel better.
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Just fucking shoot me now.”
“Fuck off, sweetheart.”
Does saying these things mean that I love my children any less than a non-swearing mother? No. Does it make me a bad parent or role model? No, I don’t think so.
Because, by thinking these awful things, I keep myself from actually saying anything terrible to him. Which, I argue, would be far worse.
It’s a coping mechanism, of sorts. A tool to survive motherhood.
So, next time your child is screaming at the top of his lungs because he doesn't want to change his diaper or get his head out of the toilet or stop beating the daylights out of the poor dog, flip him off... in your head.
I know he deserved it.

1 comment:

Life...Love...Thoughts and Opinions...(of a Divorce Mediator and Counsellor) said...

What you keep in your head is harmless coping. My mother on the other hand learned when my older sister was very young how effective the F word was to get her to fall in to line...that naturally grew in to a litany of profane phrases by the time I came along. So, yes, I swear like a sailor and I dont care who has an issue with it. I dont swear at people, just in conversation.